First To Be Shot

Dear Dr. Schitslinger,

I work in an office where I am being told just because my office is closest to the entrance door, that I will be the first to get shot if someone comes in shooting. (The neighborhood isn’t too friendly). Should I be concerned?

Signed,

Don’t wanna Die

 

Dear Don’t Wanna Die,

 Why worry about such nonsense! Really how stupid can you be?! As long as your office isn’t in San Leandro, CA,  or next to a post office you are safe! Quit your stupid worrying!

Love ya,

Dr. S

 

Well folks what can I say when even I a woman of the Christian world gets a shocker like this one.

I am a Christain and republican. I am a registered voter.And as a registered voter I have been doing research on the political candidates. I looked up Gingrich, Romney, even Ron Paul. These candidates were easy to find. However when I searched Santorum, imagine my shock when I discovered this:
SANTORUM

On one hand I was shocked, however on the other hand well lets just say I have one less candidate to consider for the 2012 Presidential Election!

I am Back and Mad as Hell-So Watch Out

I want to thank everyone for the cards and letters. Your support has been a great inspiration to me.

As many of you know  I have been laid up in the hospital due to a freak accident during a Botox injection session last year. How was I to know the man was not a doctor, but a guantanamo parolee. Word of advice, never trust a brick and morter operation ie, doctor’s office that has been ‘temporarily’ moved to a mini van while their ‘office’ was being ‘renovated.’

At any rate, I look forward to coming to the rescue of all those in need of my advice and who need a swift kick in the butt to get them off the pity pot and get back on that horse!.

Forgive me for the run on here, but my doctor is still adjusting my medication.

Now “DO WHAT I TELL YOU!”

Shut Up and Vote!

Well Folks it is Election Season, as if you did not know! Nowhere can we avoid hearing from this political group fighting or challenging that political group. Conservatives and Liberals we keep fighting and mud-slinging. Instead of talking about issues objectively and with solutions to our problems, campaigning is now overwhelmed with negative ads against opponents.

Okay, so where does that leave us voters? It leaves us having to educate ourselves about the issues we are passionate about. It means we have to read beyond the mud-slinging and 1 – sided ‘facts’ and find out the facts for ourselves.
It requires that we become responsible. We become responsible for doing our own objective investigations about the policies we accept as fair and the persons we appoint our elected officials. We cannot expect objective and fair campaigning, just forget that altogether.
I vote, I read about the issues I am passionate about, and educate myself with reading both sides and the middle of the issue and form an educated decision.

We have a voice in America, we can vote. Countries such as Cuba, China, and North Korea do not have elections. Use Your Voice, Your Freedom and Right To Liberty, Vote, Just Shut Up and Vote!

Now Go Do What I Tell You!
You can write me for advice at: schitslinger@gmail.com

Advice: Do Not Mix Sex and Politics!

Dear Dr. Schitslinger,

I am 27 and my fiance is 28. We have been married for 1 year. He and I get along fine except when it comes to politics. I am a Conservative and he is a Republican. Some people claim they’re the same thing, and they’re not exactly and we certainly don’t agree on many issues. He is more liberal then I tend to be. I think Sarah Palin is perfect to run for President, her tea party I stand behind more than I can say. My husband says she’s unqualified, and a media mongol.

The problem is that whenever we argue over any of the political hot topics, it puts a damper on our sex life. He can ‘forget about it” and suddenly be romantic, while am still seething over the disagreements and I don’t feel like having sex with a man who I just had an argument with! Now before you say do not argue over hot topics and everything will be fine, I must tell you, that I am studying law and my husband is a CPA. Naturally our conversations are about issues we are passionate about, so what do you think we should do-as I know we will always disagree!

Thanks-

Lawful  in Vermont

Dear LIV,

I think your husband said that Sarah Palin is a media monger not mongol! Your letter makes you sound like a pathetic whining little brat that always gets her way. Obviously, you cannot agree to disagree with your husband. The political debates are healthy to discuss, but when the discussions turn to arguments, it is time to stop. Yes, stop once the discussion gets to heated. what are you two going to do if you disagree over family issues?! Let us suppose you have a teen age daughter down the road, and she finds herself pregnant? What if you have a young son dying of leukemia and your husband wants to let him go-to die with dignity while I will assume are a “Right for Lifer”  and you think your son should stay on life support? Now these are real issues! These issues and life stories are what makes a man and a woman a partnership of husband and wife. Your  husband sounds like he can put aside differences and still love his wife, while you sound like a cold-hearted bitch that holds a grudge. GROW UP!

Now Go DO What I Tell You!

You can write me for advice at: schitslinger@gmail.com

Advice: Her Husband is Beating for Betty

Dear Dr. Schitslinger,

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We have one child, a 4-year-old boy.  My husband lost his job last month, but I work and we are getting by. Our sex life is good, but not like it was the first couple of years in our marriage. I figured it was natural for a married couple to become less sexually active after having a child. But I discovered something about my husband recently, and now I am not so sure about our sex life.

Our boy was at school and I came home from work during my lunch, as I had forgotten some papers. When I entered our house I entered the living room and to my surprise I found my husband masturbating on the sofa. This surprised me (and my showing up surprised him too), but what really shocked me was that he was watching the Golden Girls! He acted as casual as he could, but I guess the look of shock on my face had him feeling embarrassed and making ‘light’ of my catching him.  I did not stay to ask any questions, I grabbed the papers I had come for and left returning to work. Later that evening before we went to bed I asked him why he was watching The Golden Girls? I made a light joke about my being too young for him, that maybe he likes older women. He replied he still found me attractive, but that he found Betty White as ‘hot’! Now I thought he was joking, but he was not. A week has passed by and I cannot get over the fact that he was sexually aroused by an elderly lady. To put this in perspective, I am 33 and my husband is 30. My question to you Dr. Schitslinger is this; Do I have anything to worry about? Should we go to counseling? Is my husband sick? What should I do? I guess I have several questions. Please advise me on how I should handle this situation.

Sincerely,
Too Young in Georgia

Dear TYIG,

First off, I would not say that your husband is ‘sick’. He may just have a fetish for elderly women. Now provided you do not have a problem with his masturbating fantasies, and he remains loyal to you, then what is the problem? If you are sexually satisfied and he is sexually satisfied with you (unless he’s masturbating), then why worry? Honestly, have you ever fantasized about a famous person like, Ted Koppel or Andy Rooney, whose big bushy eyebrows push you over the orgasmic edge??!  Fantasies, especially sexual fantasies are common as the wind. Maybe you could put on a Golden Girls DVD, dress like Betty White aka Rose and take your husband over his orgasmic edge! Why not?! If you telling St. Olaf stories to your husband gets his juices flowing what harm is there in that!? If you want to keep your man, then let him beat it to Betty!

Now Go Do What I Tell You!
You can write me for advice at: schitslinger@gmail.com

Harry Loves Lisa

Harry Loves Lisa.

Who Gives a Rat’s Ass?

Advice: Boyfriend Likes Girl on Girl Action

Dear Dr. Schitslinger,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. Although we are not married we have had sexual intercourse. I was hoping this man could be the man I marry. But now I am not so sure. He and I were watching a movie one night about a month ago and there was a scene where two women kissed. I do not have a problem with gays and lesbians, but I have no interest in women. My boyfriend upon seeing the women kissing went on and on about how “hot” it was. I wasn’t jealous, because it was just a movie. But since that movie, he has been hinting at wanting us to engage in a three-way, 2 girls and him. At first I thought he was kidding, but he keeps bringing it up. I tell him no-way, but he keeps on making little hints, etc. My question is this; Should I dismiss his remarks and ignore his remarks or should I demand he not bring it up again? I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to keep him if he is insistent on having sex with 2 women at the same time. Any Advice.

Sexy but not Bi in Vermont

Dear SBNBV,

First of all, let me say that this man is not the man you want to marry. But if you become pregnant with his child, then by all means he is all yours! Most straight men find women engaging in sex as erotic and non threatening to their masculinity. It’s also a complete ego boost to join two women in sex, it’s like hitting a home run or scoring the winning point. It is something they can brag about to their male counterparts. But really it’s just a need to proof themselves. Does your boyfriend have a small penis?  He must if he feels like he needs to get you and another woman at the same time.

Why not tell him you met a woman and tried lesbian sex with this woman. See if he thinks it’s so hot when his girlfriend is out there getting other women without him! Your man is a boy with low self-esteem and needs to grow up. Leave him alone to play with himself!

Now Go DO What I Tell You!

You can write me for advice at: schitslinger@gmail.com

Lindsay Lohan-Go Directly To Jail

Well Folks, she’s back in jail!

But I ask you; do you think she should go back to jail or back to rehab? Many people who suffer from drug and alcohol addictions may relapse many times before finally ‘getting sober’.

Advice: Kiss Her Butt

Some of us bend over, some of us get on our knees. Which one do you want to be??